A Riveting Day in the Life of a Substitute Teacher

Update: I have been subbing quite a bit. My least favorite place to sub is Sandy Valley for two reasons. 1. It is a 45 minute drive and I have to be there at 7:00 am. 2. I have to deal with ignorant, disrespectful, ungrateful high school students.

The only reason I have been subbing there this week is because I was guaranteed to work 3 days in a row and it is stupid to pass up work like that. Anyways I was there today for hopefully the last time and I had tons of free time since the teacher is an intervention specialist and only teaches 2 classes of her own.

So after teaching 1st period English I was inspired to write about it. I wrote in real pen on real notebook paper and everything. Two pages front and back. Here we go...

I am sitting here at someone else's desk having just read about JFK's assassination with their 9th grade English class. It saddens me to watch them follow along in their literature books with no emotions displayed on any of their young faces (well there was one kid who kept looking at me but that just made me feel weird). I consider myself young at the age of 22 and historical events like JFK's assassination touch me and fascinate me. The impact of events like this one last forever, or at least they should, and I wish more of today's students would take an interest in them.

It happened in 1963 when the parents of my generation were practically babies. The devastating event took place so long ago to someone like me, but it reminds me very much of a significant event during my childhood. After the students left I read a few primary sources from that day written by 7th and 8th graders. They sounded very similar to what I could have written on September 11, 2001 as a 6th grade student, age 11. I remember where I was when the hijacked planes hit the World Trade Center. What class I was in, who I was sitting by, what I was doing when our teacher turned on the television. It was the same way in which an older generation remembers exactly what they were doing when they found out President Kennedy was shot.

In Lyndon B. Johnson's Address to Congress on November 22, 1963 he said, "The time has come for Americans of all races and creeds and political beliefs to understand and respect one another. So let us put and end to the teaching and the preaching of hate and evil and violence. Let us turn away from the fanatics of the far left and the far right, from the apostles of bitterness and bigotry, from those defiant of of law, and those who pour venom into our nation's bloodstream. I profoundly hope that the tragedy and the torment of these terrible days will bind us together in new fellowship, making us one people in our hour of sorrow. So let us highly resolve that John Fitzgerald Kennedy did not live---or die---in vain.". Doesn't that sound eerily like the world we live in today? Sure, we achieved civil rights on paper and elected a black president, we Americans came together to fight for these accomplishments, and there are some people in our country who genuinely respect and tolerate each other for differences. However, I must say, with deep regret, that JFK ultimately did die in vain because nothing has changed. We live in a world overflowing with hate , violence, bitterness, bigotry, racism, and prejudice.

All of those terrible feelings and actions are not just between black and white, Muslim, and American, right wing and left wing. They are still manifested deep within the hearts of Southerners and Northerners. The Civil War has been over for 150 years and some Americans still do not understand or respect one another on those issues. I just finished reading Confederates in the Attic: Dispatches from the Unfinished Civil War by Tony Horowitz. He traveled through 10 states with past ties to the war visiting battlefields, monuments, museums, and local,legends. He interviewed all different types of modern day Southerners with varying views and opinions about the Confederacy.

Some of the current attitudes of Southerners towards the North, Abraham Lincoln, and blacks are enough to make anyone sick to their stomach. I know people still raise the rebel flag and harbor racist tendencies, but I would have never known how many Southerners truly hate the North still today if I hadn't read this book. It has given me a whole new perspective and a new sense of fascination and frustration about the only war fought on American soil. I have heard it said before that the South thinks the war isn't over. I used to laugh and disregard it as a ridiculous statement. I mean, they can't really believe that we're still fighting, right? Although I haven't changed my belief that the war is technically over, because of course in the correct history books the North won, slaves were freed, and the Confederate states rejoined the Union, I now believe that the war is still being fought in the hearts and minds of citizens all over. It is not something I am happy to agree with, but I now know that it's true.

In short, this book has left me conflicted. I haven't changed my morals and beliefs that slavery, prejudice, and war against brothers are wrong. I still think the Civil War was a great tragedy for all Americans. But, all of the perspectives and opinions are jumbling around in my head as to who was right and who was wrong, or better yet, who IS right and who IS wrong. Of course I am angered by the modern day Confederates who hate blacks and Northerners and wish both were dead, but I can understand the Southerners who simply feel a sense of loss of their identities and way of life. I can understand their sadness at a tragic past for their ancestors and how different their futures could have been without a war. Perhaps cities and towns would be grander and there wouldn't be so much generational poverty. Being from the North I also wonder what our future could have been like with no war. That doesn't mean I'm glad we had a war, but I am glad that we won. See how conflicted I am?!

I graduated from college a few short months ago and since then I have been worried that I will lose my knowledge and skills now that I am no longer in school using my brain to learn new information. I have even been watching Jeopardy every night because of that fear. But, I realized that I was wrong. Anyone who knows me knows that I read---not just a little, but a lot---actually saying a lot is an understatement--- and I realized that I have been learning and enriching my brain each time I turn a page in a book and each time I contemplate what I am reading about. As long as I continue reading, contemplating, and actively searching for answers to my questions I will not lose my ability to learn, I will add to my body of knowledge. So I now resolve to continue reading, writing, and thinking about the things that interest me. I want to be inspired. I vow to seek knowledge and understanding for my own pleasure for the rest of my life. I will never stop learning and I will never stop passing what I learn on to the next generation(as soon as I snag that teaching job). So maybe this is what the content of my blog will be, or maybe I'll change it again next week. I'm all over the place so who knows? I certainly don't. But if you made it this far, thanks for reading. :)

Love Tara